My Thoughts and Feelings on Forgiveness

We have a ton of assholes in life. In some way or another, they like to shit on our plans, ideas, tastes, whatever it may be. When that happens, it can suck a big deal. Though it may be tempting to give someone shit back or wait for them to get their shit handed to them by someone much more bold, I believe the strongest path is forgiveness; and I mean true forgiveness, not half-ass letting karma do the cleanup. I mean genuine forgiveness.

To me, I think of the situation quite parallel to my going to the bathroom at home and seeing that someone dropped a deuce in the can without having the decency to flush. The shit is unsightly to look at, and it has probably left a bad odor if there is an odor. From my memory, I have a guess at who could have done this horrid thing.The result, I am not a happy bathroom-patron right now.

So, what would be the natural thing to do? Well, there's only one answer that makes sense to me, but there are many other ways to address this issue. For one, I could leave the brown babies to sit and ferment while doing nothing of it. Over time, it will become more irritable and unbearable. If it's bad enough, I will only smell the inescapable stench that has taken over my bathroom (and possibly my house). What will end up left of me will most likely not be the pleasant person I typically am.

This is what it feels like for me to hold a grudge. In a sense, a grudge is born from rotten feelings left to stew in the mind. Since the mind is a home for thoughts and feelings, letting them stay for a prolonged period of time will give them no escape. If I so let it, that thought could build enough negative feelings that I can only ever think of that horrible injustice done to me. It's heavy, it smells rotten, and it can't possibly be healthy on the mind.

Another possible solution for this porcelain problem is to wait. It could be either for the person to come back and flush it (in a more expectant sense). It could be for someone else to do them one such as they did to me. It could even be for a time where I can do the person in kind personally (and I can flush the toilet when it's all said and done). Though I believe patience is a virtue, this form of patience is no better than the previous idea. I could feel like I took care of the problem, but if I wait for the problem to go away just like that without any direct action, the shit that is in my toilet will still be there. Therefore, it is still being left to sit, and you're still left with negative emotions festering within you; and I think I made it clear what happens then.

This is what vengeance, passive-aggressiveness and waiting for karma to kick in is like. Though passive-aggressive actions are more easy to do, it never truly gets the point across that I'm upset over this specific issue. They may be receptive of my bad attitude but my not understand what the deal is with me.

Vengeance is the most tempting of ideas, and for obvious reasons. Speaking from personal experience, I got some long-term revenge on a guy that severely broke my heart, and it felt pretty good at first; but after that high, I stepped back to reflect on my actions, and I am not very proud of it. In a figurative and objective sense, I just shat in a man's toilet without flushing. Though it felt rewarding for a brief moment, it makes me feel no more a better human than they are.

The most "respectable" of the bunch is letting them get a taste of their own medicine by wronging someone or being wronged by someone with more brazen balls than I have. Just like with the others, it still builds that negative energy in my mind. This may be paired with half-ass forgiveness, which acts more like a cover-up than as an actual removal. It's akin to using fresh scents to cover up that rank smell saturating in my bowl -- I may try to look like there is not a problem, but anyone observant enough will see (or smell) right through that.

The best option, in my opinion, is to simply flush the toilet and go about with my doodies. I understand that people are careless, scatter-brained, or even just have gargantuan turds that may only partially flush. In a dual sense, I could check that the toilet is in working condition, considering the possibility that not all things work as they should. Afterward, days and weeks will have little-to-naught to do with that problem.

Forgiveness feels clean to me, like the kind of clean I feel knowing that there is not shit sitting in my toilet just waiting to be flushed. I'm not saying that getting mad is not ok; in fact, I know I would be upset if someone had been that careless in my house, and I may stay that way for five minutes max. The key is that I near-immediately let these feelings go. They may stay for a little, but they don't really get the time to grow and dominate.

Now, what I will keep in my mind is a sense of awareness. I'll remember that this person has done that, but I will not dwell on it. Instead, I will keep this in mind in case this happens to me again. If and when it does, I will confront said person (calmly) and express my upsets and why they upset me (calmly). If the person is not a genuine asshole, they should apologize and at least try not to upset me again. Otherwise, I will most likely not talk with said person again, because no one deserves poor conduct.

With an inability to forget, it can be very easy to hold a grudge or wait for someone to "pay for their sins". But the option that leaves me feeling the most genuinely clean, the option that embodies the strongest strength within me, is an ability to practice wholehearted forgiveness regularly.